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Sensations

Right, let’s try and settle this for good. Or at least arrive at some kind of mushy consensus.

Here are my suggestions:

Nice-smelling carriages

Piccadilly line
An airing cupboard full of freshly-laundered towels.

Jubilee line
A reading room in a provincial library, lined with photocopiers and computers.

Victoria line
An all-night pharmacy.

Metropolitan line
The future.

Not-so-nice-smelling carriages

Bakerloo line
Damp coats left on radiators.

Central line
An examination hall full of adolescents.

District line
A defrosted freezer cabinet.

Circle line
A defrosted freezer cabinet in high summer.

Ambivalent-smelling carriages

Waterloo and City line
Ablutions and excretions.

Northern line
Free newspapers.

Hammersmith and City line
Ambivalence.

Epping 'ellThere’s not much that’s great about Epping as a terminus. In fact, it’s lousy.

The station buildings don’t come anywhere near to matching the splendour of Uxbridge or Cockfosters. They are reticent rather than rampant. Dowdy and lumpen, they look embarrassed to even exist. Which is not surprising, given they manage to be upstaged by a bus stop:

Terminal feelingsNo, what’s great about Epping has nothing to do with its architecture. It’s entirely due to the peculiar yet beguiling sensation it evokes from being the end of the line… but also not the end.

End of the beginning of the lineIf you linger at the far end of the platforms, you can see the tracks continuing round a corner and under a bridge. They tease you with the thought of what lies just out of view. They also taunt you with a memory of how things used to be.

Because not that long ago Central line trains continued down those tracks; the year Tony Blair became leader of the Labour party, for want of a chronological toehold.

Now the tracks are just a broken limb of the Underground, severed from the host. Their presence, but also their purposelessness, give Epping that curious, affecting feel of being neither one thing nor the other.

It’s a station of sad sighs and sidings.

None shall pass

A terminus that isn’t: like a seaside town out of season.

If you like steam trains and packaged nostalgia, an arbitrary chunk of the old “Epping for Ongar” line runs on those days when its private owners think they’ll be enough customers to guarantee a profit.

If you like proper heartfelt if hopeless nostalgia, Epping is open all year round except Christmas Day. Its platforms are going nowhere. Rather like its prospects.

I’ve always thought there’s something special about the last Underground train of the night. There’s a very particular atmosphere on board. An unspoken camaraderie exists among passengers, you get a more relaxed and unselfconscious ambience than at other times, plus there’s a reassuring sense of the day being done and of being almost home, where sleep beckons.

It’s hard to capture the flavour of this atmosphere in words, so here’s – drum roll! – an audio presentation of what happened recently when I took the last Northern line train of the night from Embankment to West Finchley.

Along the way I encounter British teens attempting to impress American girls, a couple having a polite argument, someone asleep on a platform, and – what are the chances? – three men discussing disused stations.

Camden Town, my Camden Town